Legend of Grimrock – Blueberry Pie

Last weekend my significant other came to bed around 4AM, so I naturally asked where he’d been. Many suspicious girlfriends would think of the obvious; another woman or a secret shame, like eating flowers in the bathroom, but I knew better.

It turned out he’d discovered this amazing game called Legend of Grimrock; a seriously awesome old school dungeon crawler as a stunning modern incarnation. I fell in love with the game instantly; it was so mysterious and beautifully designed, and when I saw there was food I got pretty excited. I eventually discovered there’s a rather infamous blueberry pie hidden in the darkness. A kind of symbol of hope… delicious, delicious hope.

This recipe serves 6-8.

What you will need: A 9-inch loose base sandwich tin, a large baking tray, a sieve, a wooden spoon or hand mixer, a rolling pin and two large mixing bowls.

For the Pastry:

350g / 2⅓Cups Plain Flour

1 Teaspoon Salt

2 Tablespoons Light Brown Sugar

225g / 1 Cup Unsalted Butter (Chilled)

60ml / ¼ Cup Cold Water

For the Filling:

100g / ½ Cup Butter (Room Temperature)

100g /⅔Cup Icing/Confectioners Sugar

100g / 1 Cup Ground Almonds

4 Teaspoons Cornflour/Cornstarch

1 Large Egg (Room Temperature)

1 Large Egg Yolk (Room Temperature)

1½ Teaspoons Pure Almond Extract

½ Teaspoon Lemon Zest

3 Tablespoons Blueberry Preserve

200g / 2 Cups Fresh Blueberries

Making the Shortcrust Pastry:

1. In a large mixing bowl, sieve the flour, salt and sugar. Next add the butter. Rub the butter into the dry ingredients with your finger tips until it resembles breadcrumbs.
2. Add the water a tablespoon at a time, mixing in between until the dough comes together. Once the dough forms into a ball, wrap it in cling film/saran wrap and place in the fridge to chill for about an hour.
3. Sieve some icing/confectioners sugar onto a clean, dry surface and roll the dough out until it’s about a quarter of an inch thick. Lift the pastry into the sandwich tin and pat it in to fill the tin evenly.
4. Trim off any excess pastry then put the tin in the fridge to chill for 30 minutes. Once chilled, preheat the oven to 220C/420F with a large baking tray inside.
5. Put the pie in the oven on top of the heated baking tray to blind-bake the crust. You may want to use some baking beans to help keep the pastry for shrinking while it cooks.
6. Cook the pastry for about 10-15 minutes until the edges appear slightly darker and are firm. Once baked, take out the pie and leave it to cool completely before adding any filling.

Making the Blueberry Pie:

1. In a large bowl, sieve in the sugar, almonds and cornstarch. Next add the butter, egg, yolk, lemon zest and almond extract. Mix well until thoroughly combined into a kind of thick batter. Leave the mixture in the fridge to chill for about an hour.
2. With your pastry cooled, spoon in the blueberry preserve and use the back of the spoon to smooth it out over the base to create a thin layer of jam.
3. Preheat the oven to 190C/375F. Once the almond mixture is chilled, pour it into the pastry and smooth it out until it’s even. Take your blueberries and pop them into the almond filling until the entire surface of the pie is covered.
4. Put the pie in the oven for 20-30 minutes. When the pie is firm, golden brown and an inserted skewer comes out clean – it’s ready! Take it out of the oven and leave to cool completely before serving.

Firstly, a huge thank you to Almost Human Games who replied to my email inquiring about Grimrock cuisine so promptly, and to Ben R for the beautiful comparison screenshots. It’s taken me about an hour to write this post, and in that time I’ve managed to eat about half the pie to myself. In making the pie, I didn’t want to overcook the frangipane filling, I wanted it to mix with the blueberries to create a creamy blueberry filling and it is… outstanding. I must have a seemingly bottomless pit for a stomach just like Mork, or even Grimrock it’s self.

You can download Legend of Grimrock from GOG, Steam and Grimrock.net.

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Minecraft – Mushroom Stew

Is it a stew? Is it a soup? Not even Notch seems to be sure. What we do know is that mushrooms are awesome. Why, you ask? Because mushrooms are the very foundation of the gaming industry. Without the iconic ‘1-UP’, perhaps gaming wouldn’t have become as popular as it is today. It’s a sobering thought, but from Mario to Minecraft, mushrooms have appeared in innumerable titles across the years. I’m also a personal fan of the fungi, as a vegetarian they feature a lot in my diet. They’re incredibly delicious, but mushroom soup is probably one of the most foul things you can ever taste, especially when it comes from a can. So change your mind, and follow in the footsteps of gaming heroes by enjoying some real, fresh mushroom stew. (No Mooshrooms were harmed in the making of this recipe).

This recipe serves 4.

What you will need: A large and deep frying pan/skillet, kitchen towel and a small pot.

For the Croutons:

Olive Oil

Salt

4 Slices White Bread

For the Mushroom Stew:

Olive Oil

Truffle Oil (Optional)

Salt & Pepper

300g / 4 Cups Mushrooms (Chopped)

• Portabello
• Pink Oyster
• Yellow Oyster
• Shimeji

1 Tablespoon Butter

1 Small White Onion (Chopped)

1 Clove Garlic

500ml Vegetable Stock (Or use 250ml Vegetable and 250ml Mooshroom/Beef stock)

1 Tablespoon Fresh Thyme (Chopped)

1 Tablespoon Fresh Parsley (Chopped)

110ml / ½ Cup Single Cream

Making the Croutons:

1. Using a sharp knife, cut out the shape of the pixelated mushroom. You can use this image as a template. Cut out some squares too and set aside.
2. Heat a few tablespoons of olive oil and a dash of truffle oil in a large frying pan. Add a little salt once heated, then carefully lay the bread shapes into the pan.
3. Once they are golden on one side, flip them over. Remove the croutons from the pan when crisp and lay them on some absorbent kitchen towel to drain any excess oil. Set aside for garnishing later.

Making the Mushroom Stew:

1. Heat the olive oil in a deep frying pan on a medium high heat. Once hot add the mushrooms and fry for one minute.
2. Next, add the butter, onion and garlic and stir. Season with a little salt and pepper, drop in the thyme and allow to cook.
3. Once the moisture in the pan has reduced and is almost gone, add the stock. Bring it to the boil, then allow the soup to simmer for about 5 minutes.
4. Once simmered, pour the soup into a bowl and blend for a few minutes. You can blend it to be very smooth, or leave it a little chunky – whichever you prefer. Once blended, pour the soup into a clean pot and warm through.
5. Add the cream and some parsley and stir well. Serve the soup up, and garnish with the croutons, some thyme, parsley and a drizzle of truffle oil.

I was really pleased with how this turned out, and by some stroke of fate I managed to pick mushrooms at random in the store that just so happened to be perfect for soups! There’s a great depth of flavour that’s light and warming, and the croutons add a delightful contrast in texture and taste. I will make a warning though, this stew/soup certainly wont be for everybody. I think you’d probably have to love mushrooms to like this. And I mean really love mushrooms. You’d have to be, like, a spore away from being one yourself – or maybe just a fun guy or gal (that’s right, I went there). For those of you that do like it, however, just make sure not to gobble the bowl while you’re at it.

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Request: Saints Row – Lil’ Gyro

Now, I’ve never played Saints Row. It’s always been lauded to me as the “layman’s” Grand Theft Auto. Sometimes I imagine all the people who complain about the GTA series are actually confusing it with Saints Row, as I’m surprised Saints Row doesn’t draw as much controversy. Maybe people don’t want to mess with a game where you can beat people to death with giant sex toys. It would probably seriously destroy a lot of peoples deepest and darkest desires if Saints Row was removed from the shelves. Either way, for one reason or another, Saints Row is incredibly popular and I’ve heard some awesome things about the third instalment. Since I don’t live in America and Greek food isn’t so popular here, I had no idea what a Gyro was when requests for it started to appear, even with my impressive American-internet food knowledge. Oh, I have spent many a hour dribbling over MoonPies and peanut butter Oreos. I was, however, aware of them in their popular ‘British’ form of doner kebab and my preferred Middle Eastern version; the shawarma. With a little research and taking inspiration from what I’ve eaten that’s similar, I’ve created a recipe for the Lil’ Gyro.

This recipe serves 4-6.

What you will need: A griddle pan and tin/aluminium foil.

Ingredients:

3 Tablespoons Olive Oil

½ Teaspoon:

• Cardamom Pods (Crushed)
• Cinnamon
• Nutmeg

Salt and Pepper

300g / 10oz Lamb (Diced or Shredded)

1 Medium White Onion (Chopped)

1 Medium Green Bell Pepper (Chopped)

100g / 1 Cup Red Cabbage (Chopped)

4-6 Pita Breads

To Garnish:

Tomatoes

Lettuce

Tzatziki

Cucumber

Making the Lil’ Gyro:

1. Place the lamb into a bowl. Add the olive oil, cardamom, cinnamon, nutmeg and a pinch of salt and pepper. Mix well and leave to marinate for about 20 minutes.
2. Heat the griddle pan on a medium-high heat. Once hot, toss the prepared onion, green bell pepper and red cabbage in a little bit of olive oil before adding to the pan.
3. Cook the vegetables until they’re soft, then remove from them from the pan and set aside for later.
4. While the pan is still warm, add the lamb and cook until tender. Remove the lamb and place it in a bowl while you warm the pita.
5. In a preheated oven, place the pita bread until it’s soft and warm. You have to work while the bread is hot, so make sure all your ingredients are near by.
6. If it helps, make some small vertical slices on the underside of the pita to help you roll it up. Fill it with the salad, tomatoes, lamb, vegetables and finally finish it off with some tzatziki and slices of cucumber. Roll up the pita, wrap it in tin/aluminium foil and enjoy!

For any vegetarians, like me, you can replace the lamb with aubergine and grill it up; super delicious! You could also add some red chillies to increase the spice. This is probably nothing like any Gyro you can get in America and I’m not sorry. Because it’s better. That’s right. Better. The Lil’ Gyro is surprisingly large; a fantastic medley of fresh flavours and spiced, warming lamb. This is one meat you can’t beat. I’m so sorry.

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Catherine – Strawberry Tart (Katherine)

Katherine is Vincent’s long-term girlfriend who evidently has a bit of a sweet-tooth. She’s rarely seen without a dessert in front of her that somehow she’s been able to only take a small piece from. If I were dining at Chrono Rabbit I can assure you I’d be on my third slice of whatever strawberry covered treat was on offer. The source of Vincent’s current anxieties, Katherine takes some pretty interesting and disturbing forms in his nightmares. Even her fork is seen as a threat to him, well, she is usually the one doing the killing in her dreams. I can see why Vincent is so scared; her underlying dark streak and relationship pressures are enough to make me nervous! But as long as there’s desserts, everything’s okay.

This recipe serves 6-8.

What you will need: A 9 inch (23cm) fluted tart tin with a loose base, 2 large mixing bowls, a sieve, a rolling pin, ceramic baking beans, piping bag, a small pot, cling film/saran wrap and greaseproof paper/baking parchment.

For the Shortcrust Pastry:

225g / 1 ¾ Cups Plain Flour

100g / ½ Cup Butter (Chilled and Cubed)

½ Teaspoon Salt

Water

For the Filling:

300g / 1 ½ Cups Cream Cheese (Room Temperature)

100g / ½ Cup Fine Sugar

1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

2 Large Eggs (Room Temperature)

120ml / ½ Cup Soured Cream

2 Tablespoons Fine Sugar

To Garnish:

175g / ½ Cup Strawberry Conserve

120ml / ½ Cup Double / Whipping Cream

2 Tablespoons Fine Sugar

16 Fresh Strawberries

18 Fresh Blueberries

Making the Shortcrust Pastry:

1. Sieve the flour into a large bowl and add the butter. Using your fingers, rub the butter into the flour until it resembles breadcrumbs. Add the salt and add water a tablespoon at a time until the mixture comes together as a dough.
2. Wrap the dough in cling film/saran wrap and chill in the fridge for an hour before use. Meanwhile, lightly grease the tart tin and set aside.
3. Preheat the oven to 180C/355F. Once chilled, roll out the pastry to an even thickness and line the tin. Cover with greaseproof paper/baking parchment and fill the pastry with ceramic baking beans.
4. Place the pastry in the oven and cook for approximately 10-15 minutes. Watch the pastry to ensure it doesn’t dry out or get too brown. Once it’s golden and firm it’s ready to come out. Remove the baking beans and greaseproof paper and leave the pastry to cool while you prepare the filling.

Preparing the Filling:

1. Turn up the oven to 220C/450F. In a large bowl, combine the cream cheese, sugar and vanilla extract. Mix well until smooth. Don’t worry if it seems very liquid, this is normal.
2. Pour the mixture into the cooled and prepared pastry, leaving a small gap at the top, and put in the oven for around 7-10 minutes or until the centre has set.
3. Take the tart from the oven and set aside for 5 minutes to cool. Meanwhile, mix the sour cream and 2 tablespoons of sugar together. Spoon just enough of the sour cream over the top of the tart to create a thin layer.
4. Turn the oven off and return the tart to the oven for 10-15 minutes or until the sour cream has solidified.
5. Take the tart out and leave it to cool to room temperature before placing in the fridge for several hours or over night to chill.

Making the Strawberry Tart:

1. In a small pot, add the strawberry conserve. Warm through on a medium heat until the mixture becomes liquid. Allow it to cool for a minute before pouring a thin, even layer over the chilled tart. Place the tart back in the fridge until the strawberry conserve layer has set.
2. Meanwhile, whisk up the double cream with the sugar and spoon into the piping bag. Pipe cream around the entire edge of the tart.
3. Prepare your fruit for the top, check out this picture for how to arrange the blueberries and strawberries. Grab a milky coffee and enjoy the tart!

While I was trying to get a good look at the tart Katherine is eating during the game, I noticed that it actually changes a few times in one scene. It swaps between a sponge cake and the tart I’ve made above. I chose the tart as it was something a bit different to the previous recipes and it appears most frequently in the game. I went through 4 attempts at different varieties and combinations and then finally, I cracked it! A delicate cream-cheese layer, with caramelised sour cream topped with strawberries and blueberries is beautifully complimented by the smooth shortcrust pastry and whipped cream. Don’t waste your fork on your significant other, this treat is proof there are far better things to be forking.

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Catherine – Summer Squash Pasta (Catherine)

Peppy, seductive and somewhat complicated, Catherine is Vincent’s dream girl and she’s thrown his life upside-down. I’m exactly half way through the game at the moment, and I’m rather confused about who Catherine is and what her intentions are. I’m trying to dissuade her; being polite but firm. Though Vincent’s exclamations when ogling a revealing text while sitting on the toilet make it very hard to resist… Not that I think Katherine is the better choice - I just want him to escape from both of them if he can! I’ve chosen the Summer Squash Pasta for Catherine because it’s the only dish that’s related to her in the game, when she orders it from Chrono Rabbit. Maybe it’s the source of her charms.

This recipe serves 3 – 4.

What you will need: A large pot, a large pan, a baking tray and a strainer.

Ingredients:

350g / 3 ½ Cups Penne Pasta

1 Medium Squash (Any yellow variety will do)

Butter

Salt & Pepper

1 Large Garlic Clove (Finely Chopped)

1 Tablespoon Olive Oil

½ Teaspoon Dried Red Chillies

100g / 1 Cup Courgette/Zucchini (Diced)

100g / 1 Cup Cherry Tomatoes (Halved)

250ml / 1 Cup Water

½ Teaspoon Dried Basil

Fresh Coriander

Fresh Parsley

Parmesan Cheese (Optional)

Making the Summer Squash Pasta:

1. Preheat the oven to 200C/390F. Cut the squash in half and remove any seeds. Cover it with butter and season to taste with a salt and pepper. Bake the squash until it’s soft when poked with a knife. Depending on it’s size, this can take from 25-45 minutes.
2. Once cooked, remove the squash from the oven and allow it to cool. Once cool, scoop out the flesh, purée it and set aside for later.
3. Warm a large pan on a medium heat and add the olive oil. Fry the garlic and dried chillies for about a minute then add the diced courgette/zucchini and halved cherry tomatoes.
4. Fry the courgette/zucchini and tomatoes until they begin to soften. Once soft, add the squash purée and slowly add the water to loosen the sauce, you might not need all of it. Reduce the temperature to low, sprinkle in some basil and season the sauce to taste.
5. Boil the penne pasta in a large pot as per the directions on the packet. When the pasta is ready, strain it and add it directly to the sauce in the pan. Mix it well so the pasta is well coated then serve with freshly chopped coriander, parsley and grated parmesan if desired.

Unfortunately there’s no comparison image for the Summer Squash Pasta as it’s never actually revealed in the game. The only instance of it is when Catherine arrives at Chrono Rabbit and is pretty excited that it’s still on their menu. I was actually pleasantly surprised by this dish; I like squash, but it wasn’t until I researched the idea of ‘summer squash’ that I discovered that the humble courgette, or zucchini, was to be one of my main ingredients. The sauce is incredibly light but rather creamy and the chillies add a wonderful warmth at the end. You could easily enjoy this dish hot or cold, so it’s a perfect transitional meal between winter and summer. Or girlfriends.

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Request: Fallout: New Vegas – Wasteland Omelet

Oh my, is it Wednesday already!? I’ve recently started a new job working full-time and I’ve been so busy I’ve not had a moment this week to even play Fallout: New Vegas which has been sitting on my shelf for several months now. So when I get in from work or you settle down after a long day roaming in, well, nothing, you want something quick and nutritious (plus you really have to use up those Deathclaw Eggs). I’m personally a big fan of Omelets (Omelettes? What an odd word) and I love that New Vegas has Hardcore survival style gameplay. It’s this mode which has attracted me to the game and I’m excited to see how well it’s been implemented – for games like Fallout it’s an aspect I really miss! So stoke your fire and follow this very simple but delicious recipe.

This recipe serves 1.

What you will need: A large non-stick frying pan, a bowl, a spatula and a whisk.

Ingredients:

1 Teaspoon Butter

40g / ¼ Cup Red Delicious Apple (Finely Diced)

3 Large Eggs

1 Tablespoon Milk

Salt & Pepper

30g / ¼ Cup Emmental Cheese (Grated)

2 Thick Ham Slices

Making the Wasteland Omelet:

1. In a bowl whisk together the eggs and milk, season to taste and set aside. Then heat the butter in a frying pan on a medium heat.
2. Add the apple to the frying pan and warm through, once the apple begins to soften remove it from the pan and set aside.
3. Pour the egg and milk mixture into the frying pan and allow it to cook. Keep an eye on it so it doesn’t burn underneath and move the pan to help any liquid on top cook.
4. Once the top begins to look firm and cooked, sprinkle half the omelet with the apple, followed by the cheese and then the ham slices.
5. Add a little bit more cheese on top of the ham and carefully use the spatula to fold the omelet in half – the cheese should help it seal once folded.
6. Allow everything to melt and then serve!

The ingredients and inspiration behind the recipe are pretty self-explanatory; the combination of BlamCo Mac & Cheese, Crunchy Mutfruit, Deathclaw Eggs and Lakelurk Meat are simply the ham, cheese and apple which go so well together. Only with less radiation. Maybe. Before anyone mentions those bizarre claw/feet – I know. I tried sculpting some out of chicken, ham and even attempted fish but it just looked ridiculous. Lakelurks don’t even have a piece of anatomy that looks like that. If you’re really distressed I think the closest real-world representation would be a chicken foot. I bet you’re glad I kept it out now, huh?

If anyone would like to re-create this recipe and actually use chicken feet or create a convincing version of the claws – send it to me and you’ll get a special reblog. Because you’d be a braver person than I.

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Dragon Age – Found Cake

When I had a read through Game Rant’s “Most Disappointing Games of 2011” I wasn’t surprised when I saw Dragon Age II among the expected movie tie-in games of the year. Although I know a lot of people loved it, it was a saddening shadow of the awesome that was Dragon Age and an even greater festering husk of Baldur’s Gate for me. I was so involved with Dragon Age and so attached to Alistair (I don’t even find blond men attractive) I once drunkenly reprimanded a guy with the same name at a party for sacrificing himself at the end of my tale. I’m not sure how he felt when I declared my love and explained the impending grief for both me and the people of Ferelden but thankfully I still had my trusty dog (Bucephalus) who once brought me this cake. Personally, I don’t know what the hell Tycho was complaining about – I’d eat a “found cake”. Cake is cake, after all.

This recipes serves 6.

What you will need: Two 8inch (20cm) round sandwich tins, sieve, 2 mixing bowls and a whisk.

Ingredients:

175g / ¾ Cup Butter (Room Temperature)

175g / ¾ Cup Caster/Fine Grain Sugar

3 Eggs (Room Temperature)

175g / ¾ Cup Self-Raising Flour

70g / ¼ Cup Cocoa Powder (High Quality)

1 Teaspoon Baking Powder

½ Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

To Garnish:

250ml / 1 Cup Whipping Cream

Icing/Confectioners Sugar (Optional)

2 Strawberries (Halved)

Dog Spittle (Optional)

Making the Found Cake:

1. Preheat the oven to 170C/325F. Grease the cake tin with a little butter, line it with greaseproof paper/baking parchment and set aside.
2. Cream the butter and sugar together in a large mixing bowl until pale and creamy. While continuing to mix, gradually add the eggs and whisk well until light and fluffy.
3. Sieve in half the flour, gently fold it in then sieve in the rest of the flour along with the cocoa powder and baking powder. Add the vanilla extract and stir.
4. Divide the cake mix between the prepared tins and bake in the oven for 20-25 minutes. The top of the cakes should spring back when softly pressed if ready. Once cooked, remove the cakes from the oven and allow to cool.
5. Once cooled, remove the cakes from the tins. Whip the cream (with a little sugar if you wish), spread half the cream on top of one layer then turn the other layer upside down, place it on top and cover with the remainder of the cream. Place 3 of the strawberry halves on top to decorate.
6. Optional: Place the cake on your kitchen floor and get your dog to serve it for that final, authentic touch.

I’ve based the recipe for the Found Cake off the traditional Victoria sponge. This is a simple, fuss-free cake that wouldn’t be out of place in a Ferelden setting. It’s incredibly light and fluffy which means you can eat four slices for each slice of normal cake, ideal for any New Year dieters, because I’m pretty sure lack of cake is what turned Flemeth into that dragon.

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Christmas Special Dessert: World of Warcraft - Graccu’s Mince Meat Fruitcake

I’ve never set foot in Pandaria, been on a forty man raid at two o’clock in the morning to Darkwing Lair or suffered the ‘Wrath of the Lich King’… but I do like cake! I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve not yet earned my WoW badge, like I’ve also not earned my Minecraft one and in all seriousness it’s because I know I’d befall the trap and vanish into oblivion. To be honest, I’m saving my online RPG virginity for Diablo III which I am eagerly awaiting (for the love of God, Blizzard, I only have so much patience). Anyway, what better way too round off a Christmas feast than with a traditional fantasy fruitcake!

This recipes serves 8-10.

What you will need: A 25cm Bundt cake mould, 2 mixing bowls and a sieve.

For the Mince Meat Fruitcake:

250g / 1¾ Cups Self-Raising Flour

150g / ¾  Cup Butter (Room Temperature)

100g / ½ Cup Golden Caster Sugar

50g / ¼ Cup Dark Muscovado Sugar

75g / ½ Cup Mixed Dried Fruits

2 Eggs

450g / 1lb Jar of Mincemeat

75g / ½ Cup Flaked Almonds

120ml / ½ Cup Whisky (Optional)

To Garnish:

Icing/Confectioners Sugar

6 Glacé Cherries (Halved)

Making Graccu’s Mince Meat Fruitcake:

1. Sieve the self-raising flour twice into a large mixing bowl to aerate it properly, then set aside.
2. Grease the bundt tray well with a little butter and preheat the oven to 160C/325F.
3. In a separate bowl cream the butter and the sugar until well combined, try to break up the Muscovado sugar as much as possible.
4. Next add the dried fruits and almonds, stir well, then add the jar of mincemeat and mix again.
5. Beat the two eggs together and gradually add them to the mixture, stirring in as you add. If you’re adding the whisky, do so now and mix well.
6. Pour the wet ingredients into the flour and fold them together gently then pour the mix into the prepared bundt tray. Pop in the oven and cook for approximately 80-100 minutes – if it’s cooked an inserted skewer/knife will come out clean.
7. Once cooked remove from the oven and allow to cool completely in the bundt mould.
8. You can, if you wish, ‘feed’ the cake some more whisky by pouring small amounts over the cake every few hours . If you’re impatient (like me) simply remove once it’s cooled enough.
9. Sieve over a sprinkling of icing/confectioners sugar and arrange the glacé cherries around the top of the cake. Ideally, serve with some brandy cream.

This cake is “Preserved with Graccu’s special spices! It’ll be a very long time before these turn bad…”; I ate this entire cake in a day. I regret nothing. My Irish roots ensure I’m very particular when it comes to fruit cakes, I like them and I love that winter gives me the excuse to tuck into various incarnations starting with a Hallowe’en Barmbrack and finishing, very often, with a third helping of Christmas pudding. I’ll never again buy a Christmas cake now that I know how easy and cheap this is to make. Apparently you “must remain seated while eating” which is ideal should you choose to eat this while questing or watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” for the thousandth time.

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Christmas Special Main: Streets of Rage - Roast Poultry

For the main of the Gourmet Gaming Christmas meal it’s obvious that I had to go with some kind of roast bird and I’ve had many requests for the chicken/turkey (nowhere seems to be able to decide which it is) from Streets of Rage. I grew up with Streets of Rage on my Sega Mega Drive and I would regularly play it with my childhood best friend. We were never able to complete it and it seemed I was to be eternally bested by the penultimate level… Until this year when I purchased the Sega Mega Drive Ultimate Collection on Xbox 360 (in case you were wondering both myself and my co-op partner both said “No!” like the goody-two-shoes we are). I originally wanted to make this recipe with turkey so it would be more festive but sadly at the time they weren’t readily available in the stores, however this recipe works very well for either fowl.

This recipe serves 3-4.

What you will need: Large roasting tray and a wooden skewer.

Ingredients:

1 Small Chicken/Turkey

1 Tablespoon Butter

1 Lemon or Orange

Handful of Fresh Parsley

5 Garlic Cloves

2 Celery Sticks

2 Carrots

1 Large Onion

2 Bay Leafs

Salt & Pepper

Olive Oil

Preparing the Roast:

1. Preheat the oven on its maximum temperature. Chop the carrots, celery and onion roughly and line the bottom of the roasting tray with them.
2. Place the bird on top – if it’s legs are tied down, untie them and push them up into the air. Slide the wooden skewer through the flesh on the back of the legs, through the body and out the legs on the other side to help support them and keep them upright.
3. With a sharp knife, slice a few holes into the lemon then pop it in cavity along with a few cloves of garlic, the parsley and two bay leafs. Make sure you don’t over stuff and that there’s still room otherwise the bird wont cook evenly!
4. Rub butter over the skin, season with salt & pepper then pour over a little olive oil.
5. Place the bird in the oven then turn the temperature down immediately to 200C/400F and cook as per the time-to-weight instructions of your bird.
6. After 90 minutes, begin basting the bird every 20 minutes until it’s finished cooking.
7. Remove from the oven and allow to rest for at least 30 minutes, serve with your favourite roast vegetables.

I decided to keep the chicken quite simple so it would reflect the in-game bird which, actually, looks more like a chocolate bird than anything else. I couldn’t eat the chicken, but I was assured it was moist and delicious. Next time I might try calling for back-up and use the flames from a tirade of air-to-ground missiles to cook my Christmas dinner.

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