Request: Saints Row – Lil’ Gyro

Now, I’ve never played Saints Row. It’s always been lauded to me as the “layman’s” Grand Theft Auto. Sometimes I imagine all the people who complain about the GTA series are actually confusing it with Saints Row, as I’m surprised Saints Row doesn’t draw as much controversy. Maybe people don’t want to mess with a game where you can beat people to death with giant sex toys. It would probably seriously destroy a lot of peoples deepest and darkest desires if Saints Row was removed from the shelves. Either way, for one reason or another, Saints Row is incredibly popular and I’ve heard some awesome things about the third instalment. Since I don’t live in America and Greek food isn’t so popular here, I had no idea what a Gyro was when requests for it started to appear, even with my impressive American-internet food knowledge. Oh, I have spent many a hour dribbling over MoonPies and peanut butter Oreos. I was, however, aware of them in their popular ‘British’ form of doner kebab and my preferred Middle Eastern version; the shawarma. With a little research and taking inspiration from what I’ve eaten that’s similar, I’ve created a recipe for the Lil’ Gyro.
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Grand Theft Auto IV – Cluckin’ Bell Fowl Burger

To celebrate the Grand Theft Auto V trailer that was released today here’s a recipe for the Cluckin’ Bell foul ‘Fowl Burger’! Now you can pee your pants over the trailer while you stuff your face and feel just like Niko Bellic! There’s only a couple Cluckin’ Bell restaurants dotted around Liberty City compared to the role the restaurant played in earlier versions of GTA (where you could order up to 4 meals including a salad) but in GTA IV the $1 fowl burger is your only option. I was seriously tempted, like with ‘The Heart Stopper’, to make the “Stuffed Pollo Todo Frito”; you can watch the advert and witness a corncob being stuffed up a chickens bum if that’s your sort of thing – but again it was costly and extraordinary and not exactly available to Niko in-game. Some day… SOME DAY I will make both of these just for the sheer glory and meat sweats.
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Grand Theft Auto IV - “The Bleeder”

Like many of you recently, I’d become completely addicted to Rockstar’s latest offering L.A Noire. So when it came to thinking about what to make this week I decided to have a look through the Rockstar back catalogue for inspiration. Thankfully Grand Theft Auto has always offered a range of foods from every incarnation, but I felt Liberty City from GTA IV had the most iconic choices to pick from. My original thought was the myth of “The Heart Stopper”, 6lbs of meat and cheese that will “Kill someone in 5 seconds flat”. Although advertised throughout the game you can only buy a “Bleeder” for $1 at a Burger Shot despite the visible menu options that were also previously available in Vice City and San Andreas. Sadly after a little research “The Heart Stopper” became more and more out of reach due to the cost of creating such a burger (I’m thinking of starting a “Heart Stopper” donation fund) and eventually I settled on the option that was actually available to the player, so it seemed like a fair compromise.
My recipe for “The Bleeder” is based solely off the menu picture in the restaurant. It contains two ¼ pounder burgers, two types of cheese and four sauces obviously topped with bacon to create a seriously awesome burger that unlike “The Heart Stopper” wont send you to your grave, but will bring you one step closer.
With this recipe please feel free to substitute some of the ingredients to suit your tastes, I’m simply providing the ingredients that I used to create the type of burger I wanted for “The Bleeder”.
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