Dead Rising - Golden Brown Pizza

I’ll happily be the first to admit how much I really didn’t enjoy Dead Rising. I wanted to enjoy it; zombies, open world, plethora of weapons, photography… what wasn’t to like?! It just didn’t come together for me. After the 50th novelty Servbot mask and the 4000th victim of my lawnmower, all while I ran around in a rather fetching red dress, it just became old. What didn’t get old though was taking lecherous yet hilarious photos down or up my young female victims respective clothing… It often accosts me from my shelf because I rarely leave a game unfinished even if I’m not enjoying it all that much. But there is a reason behind picking this game over one that I actually enjoy: pizza. I’ve been looking for an excuse to make pizza for about two months; I’d considered TMNT, Neo Kobe and even No More Heroes to name a few, but I couldn’t source enough information to justify making the pizza - UNTIL TODAY. 

This recipe makes 3 Golden Brown Pizzas.

What you will need: Large pizza stone or pizza tray, sieve, large mixing bowl, measuring jug, rolling pin, medium bowl.

For the Dough:

500g ‘00’ Flour

½ Teaspoon Salt

7g Sachet of Dried Yeast

½ Tablespoon Sugar

2 Tablespoons Olive Oil

325ml Warm Water

For the Tomato Base:

300g Tinned Plum Tomatoes

4 Tablespoons Olive Oil

Fresh Basil

Dried Oregano

Salt & Pepper

Toppings:

Fresh Hard Mozzarella

Green Pepper

Pineapple Chunks

Black Olives

Pepperoni

Preparing the Dough:

1. In a jug filled with 325ml warm water, add the yeast sugar and olive oil and leave to stand for a few minutes.
2. Sieve the flour and salt into a bowl and make a well in the middle then pour the water and yeast mixture into the hole.
3. Use a fork to slowly mix the flour and the water, once the dough comes together, turn it out onto a floured surface and kneed with floured hands.
4. Once the dough forms a smooth ball, place it in a bowl lightly oiled with olive oil, cover with a damp cloth and leave in a warm place for about an hour.
5. While the dough is rising, you can prepare the tomato sauce base.

Preparing the Tomato Base:

1. Put the tomatoes in a bowl and break them up with a fork. 
2. Add the salt & pepper and herbs to taste, add the olive oil then mix. You do not need to cook this sauce.

Making the Golden Brown Pizza:

1. Preheat the oven to its highest setting with your pizza stone/tray inside.
2. Have all your toppings ready; peppers and olives sliced and mozzarella grated.
3. Once the dough has doubled in size, remove it from the bowl and place on a floured surface, knock back the dough with your fists to get the air out.
4. Separate a piece of the dough, enough to make a pizza the size of your stone/tray, and roll it out into a rough circle.
5. Take the preheated stone/tray out of the oven and place your base onto it - trim any edges with a sharp knife if you‘d like a perfect circle or fold them up to make a crust.
6. Spread just enough of the marinara sauce to cover the top - too much will make the base soggy, make sure to leave a little edge. Sprinkle the mozzarella on first, then the pepperoni, pineapple, olives and peppers and drizzle lightly with some olive oil.
7. Place in the middle of the preheated oven and cook until golden brown.

Despite being half Italian, I’ve not made many pizzas. As expected, pizza making usually falls to my mother who has always been quick to shoo me from the kitchen which is probably why I didn’t really learn to cook until I left home. I had attempted to make a complicated ‘marinara’ style sauce for this, but I failed and it ended up like chunky tomato soup (for shame). When my mother wouldn’t answer her phone to impart her saucy secrets, I happily turned to my copy of Two Greedy Italians (a birthday present) and what a surprise, the tomato sauce base recipe was identical to my moms. Sometimes I think Italians have a shared consciousness for recipes. While the Golden Brown Pizza is supposed to be cooked in a microwave (god forbid - I don’t even own one), I decided that I’d rather have it more rustic and traditional. The toppings were rather tricky to figure out, that picture isn’t the clearest, though through much squinting I thought there was most likely pineapple on that pizza and I allowed it as a faithful American twist, even though my Nonno is probably rolling in his grave at the thought of it. While I couldn’t eat this pizza, I certainly enjoyed smelling it and the pizza I made for myself was awesome, I can seriously recommend this recipe as the ultimate in pizza-making and zombie-surviving snacks and what the hell is better than that?

Like this? You might also enjoy the Saints Row - Lil’ Gyro.

You only have until the 30th of September to vote for the Gourmet Gaming Hallowe’en Special, so VOTE NOW!

Fable II - Amazing Apple Pie

Obviously when I thought about making something from the Fable series my first thought was “Crunchy Chick”… then I realised that putting a chick on a plate is not a recipe and being evil is well, evil. And horns are so out this season. But across Albion there’s a lot of fresh produce including various fruits that are often baked into their more delicious form: pies. You can pick from blueberry or apple and since Autumn is swiftly and powerfully blowing it’s way in I felt a rustic and warming apple pie would be perfect. But not just any pie (especially not the rancid or crabapple kind) - it has to be Amazing Apple Pie.

Apparently this specific type of pie can only be accessed via the Pub Games pre-order bonus and playing the Spinnerbox game. I, however, did not receive my Pub Games bonus despite my pre-order all those years ago (I’m talking to YOU Amazon) so, I’m without specific reference here. It’s so special because “it fully heals you - even in the middle of combat!” and “causes you to lose weight instead of gain it”. Sounds like my kind of pie.

This recipes serves 6-8.

What you will need: A 9-inch pie dish, 2 large mixing bowls, 2 small bowls, a sieve, wooden spoon, rolling pin, cling film, a strainer, 2 large flat baking trays, a non-stick pot.

For the Pastry:

350g Plain Flour

1 Teaspoon Salt

30g Light Brown Sugar

225g Unsalted Butter

30-60ml Cold Water

Milk & 1 Small Egg (for bonding/glaze)

For the Filling:

6 Large Cooking Apples

110g Golden Caster Sugar

1 Tablespoon Fresh Lemon Juice

1 Teaspoon Ground Cinnamon

¼ Teaspoon Ground Nutmeg

Pinch of Salt

30g Unsalted Butter

1½ Tablespoons Cornflour 

Apple Filling Preparations:

1. Peel and slice your apples into generous chunks - place them in a bowl filled with cold water to stop them from browning as you chop. Strain from the water and return to the bowl. 
2. Add the sugar, salt, lemon juice, ground cinnamon and nutmeg to the apples and mix well. Let this sit for at least 30 minutes to an hour while you prepare the pastry.

Making the Pastry:

1. In a large bowl sieve in the flour, salt , sugar and mix.
2. Cut the butter into chunks and add them to the flour mixture. Rub the butter into the flour until it resembles crumbs.
3. Add the water slowly and mix very gently until a smooth dough begins to form - you wont need it all.
4. Lay some cling film on your work surface and turn the dough out onto it. Form the dough into a ball, split it in half and then wrap each portion in some cling film. Place in the fridge for an hour.
5. After an hour - lay a large piece of cling film on a clean counter. Remove one of the dough portions and place it in the middle of the sheet. Lay another equally sized piece of cling film over the top and roll out the pastry (always roll pastry from the centre out) - using the cling film like this will stop the dough from sticking to anything.
6. Once the desired size and an even thickness, remove the top layer of cling film. Pick up the dough using the cling film underneath and swiftly flip it over onto the pie dish - cover with cling film and return to the fridge to chill. 
7. Do the same with the second piece of dough, but instead, once rolled out keep it covered with the cling film and transfer it to a flat baking tray and then pop it back in the fridge - this piece will be your pie crust.

Making the Amazing Apple Pie:

1. By now your apples should have stewed nicely and have some juice at the bottom. Place a strainer over a bowl and pour the apples into the strainer leaving the juices to drain for about 15 minutes.
2. Once strained, pour the juices into a non-stick pot and add the 30g of butter. Allow to simmer on a medium heat for a few minutes until the liquid has slightly reduced. Do NOT allow it to boil - I accidentally made (delicious) toffee instead!
3. Remove the pie crust from the fridge and allow it to sit at room temperature for about 10 minutes.
4. Move the strained apples to a bowl and mix them with the cornflour.
5. Take out the pie base from the fridge and fill it with the apples, leaving no gaps, making sure the apples come just above the edge of the pie dish and are level, pour over the reduced juices.
6. In a small bowl beat the egg with a few tablespoons of milk. Wet the edges of the pie base with a little of the milk and egg mixture. 
7. Use the same technique as before and flip the pie crust over the apples. Tuck in any excess pastry under the base edges, trim anything extreme and create a nice crimping pattern if you wish with your fingers.
8. With a sharp knife make five 2inch cuts from the middle of the pie outward so steam can escape.
9. Cover the pie with cling film and refrigerate. 
10. Preheat the oven to 220C, and place a flat baking tray lined with some tinfoil on the bottom rack.
11. Once heated, remove the pie from the fridge and remove the cling film, brush lightly with the milk and egg mixture and place the pie onto the baking tray and allow to cook for 45-55 minutes. Keep an eye on the pie and be sure to cover the edges of the pie with some tin foil once golden or else they will burn. 
12. Once cooked, leave to cool for several hours before serving warm or cool with some cream or vanilla ice-cream.

There’s a lot of steps up there - but I assure you it’s actually rather easy to make. I’ve never made pastry or pie in my life and mine turned out perfectly! Well it is a little lumpier than the picture, I think I got a bit over excited and didn’t pay attention to the amount of apples I was piling in, so I made sure to add a note about it in the recipe. I did buy some back up ready-pastry after the horror stories I’d heard about making your own, but it was so easy to do it’s almost embarrassing that people use it. Let’s just say the words “pie master” were mumbled in between the gorging. The pie dish was surprisingly expensive - as this was a success though it warrants the making of some sort of pie every week for the next 10 years to balance the cost. So get on that Spinnerbox game, because the only thing your dog is going to dig out the ground is a condom that, let’s face it, you’re never going to use.

Like this? You might also enjoy the Legend of Grimrock - Blueberry Pie.

Don’t forget you can VOTE HERE for the Gourmet Gaming Hallowe’en Special!

Request: Deadly Premonition (Red Seeds Profile) - Thomas’ Biscuit

I had to hold off on doing this recipe so there would be enough of a gap between the infamous Sinner’s Sandwich and this second offering from the amazing Deadly Premonition, so it’s really exciting that I’m finally getting to make it! Thomas’ Biscuit is cited by Francis York Morgan as having the perfect balance of milk and butter and apparently you can tell the extra love and care that Thomas puts into them. They’re incredibly scarce in the game, you only ever have a couple  in your possession not counting the one that appears in a cut-scene, but they do restore all of your fatigue and health - they’re just that awesome. The fact they’re called “biscuits” confuses my European brain as I know that as something flat and crumbly not tall and cake-like as it appears on the illusive in-game trading card. But this is middle America… a logging town… (sounding familiar?) so of course it’s an American style biscuit which is remarkably similar to a British scone. I’ve decided to make a slightly sweeter and lighter version that will hopefully live up to Thomas’ recipe.

This recipe serves 6-8.

What you will need:

Greaseproof/baking paper, baking tray, large bowl, sieve, rolling pin, a medium and small round cookie cutter, small bowl.

Ingredients:

325g Plain Flour

2 ½ Teaspoons Baking Powder

½ Teaspoon Salt

30g Golden Caster Sugar

120g Cold Butter

180ml Milk

1 ½ Teaspoons Vanilla Extract

2 Eggs

Thomas’ Biscuits:

1. Preheat the oven to 200C and line a baking tray with greaseproof/baking paper. In a small bowl lightly beat one egg and a tablespoon of milk.
2. In a large bowl sift in the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar.
3. Cut the butter into chunks and with your fingertips rub it into the flour mixture until it resembles bread crumbs.
4. Add the milk, one egg and vanilla and stir until combined - it should be thick, sticky and lumpy.
5. Place the mixture on a floured surface and knead gently until a dough is formed.
6. Roll the dough out until it is about ½ an inch thick then cut out biscuits with a medium round cookie cutter and remove the centre with a small round cookie cutter.
7. Place the biscuits onto the prepared baking tray and brush the tops with the beaten egg and milk mixture. Place in the oven for 10-15 minutes until the tops are golden brown.

Thomas’s Biscuit is rather important to myself and everyone else who was involved with our play through of Deadly Premonition. When defeating the final boss we got bashed and battered around a bit and we almost couldn’t finish it for a lack of health and then we remembered. We had Thomas’ Biscuit and we ate it and it was good and it saved Greenvale. Straight from the oven I enjoyed these with a fresh cup of coffee (obviously) and a little butter and jam. They were so delicious. There’s scope here to add spices or fruits or whatever you’d like and use this recipe as a base, but it’s true what Francis York Morgan said about the balance and taste. Perfectly delicious in everyway and a new personal favourite. Once they’ve cooled I think they’d be pretty good with the traditional American serving of gravy. Maybe these are what the Raincoat Killer was chasing you for all that time? I wouldn’t blame him.

Like this? You might also enjoy the Deadly Premonition - Sinner’s Sandwich.

Don’t forget you can VOTE HERE for the Gourmet Gaming Hallowe’en Special!

Vote for the Gourmet Gaming Hallowe’en Special!

This Hallowe’en I’ll be doing a ‘Costume Quest’ Gourmet Gaming special! I’ve picked 10 of my favourite Creepy Treats so vote for your favourite in the Facebook Poll by September 30th and see the top 3 come to life for Hallowe’en!

VOTE HERE

Or if you’d rather, you can leave a comment here for the one you’d like and I can add it to the Facebook poll votes.

Request: Castlevania: Symphony of the Night - Cheesecake

This is a special request from my good friend Geoff and it is in fact his 25th birthday present from me to him. Geoff spent quite a while deciding that this was what he wanted and I could hardly deny his request because frankly… it’s pretty awesome. I’m a big fan of Castlevania but after watching a play-through of the most recent instalment, Lords of Shadow, on the 360 I’ve yet to brave it myself (seriously one of the greatest endings to a game ever ). I had been tempted to do a Castlevania entry before, often distracted by the German-esque “bakery” levels filled with breads and treats that sometimes fly at your face. So I was glad that Geoff pointed out this delicious looking cheesecake. According to its description on the Castlevania Wiki it is “with chocolate chips” but one drunken conversation later we agreed that the strawberry topping angle was the way to go for maximum tastiness and Alucard would probably pick around the chocolate chips anyway.

This recipe serves 6-8.

What you will need:

A 20cm cake tin, baking/greaseproof paper, rolling pin, large mixing bowl, wooden spoons, whisk, small bowl, pan.

For the Base:

85ml Melted Butter

140g Digestive Biscuits

1 Tablespoon Golden Caster Sugar

For the Cheesecake:

600g Cream Cheese

170g Golden Caster Sugar

2 Tablespoons Plain Flour

1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

1 Teaspoon Lemon Juice

2 Large eggs

1 Yolk 

150ml Sour Cream

For the Strawberry Glaze:

500g of Strawberries

150g of Caster Sugar

2 Tablespoons Ground Arrowroot

Making the Base:

1. Prepare the cake tin by buttering and lining the base and sides with baking/greaseproof paper and preheat the oven to 160C.
2. Put the biscuits in a plastic bag and use a rolling pin (should your claymore be at the cleaners) to bash them into crumbs, then place in a bowl. 
3. Melt the butter in a pan on a medium heat and pour over the biscuit crumbs along with the tablespoon of sugar. 
4. Mix well until the butter has been absorbed and then press the biscuit mixture firmly and evenly to the base of the prepared cake tin. Place in the oven and cook for 10-15 minutes, remove and set aside to cool - make sure it has cooled completely otherwise you will end up with a soggy base like I did.

Making the Cheesecake Filling:

1. In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese gently until creamy and slowly add the sugar. Add the flour and a pinch of salt and stir in slowly making sure to clean the sides of the bowl. 
2. Whisk in the vanilla and lemon juice. Add the eggs and yolk one at a time and then the sour cream whisking gently, being careful not to over-mix. 
3. Pour the filling over the buttery biscuit base, gently tap or knock the tin to remove any air bubbles. 
4. Bake for 10 minutes at 160C, then reduce to 90C and cook for 20-40 minutes. I found just keeping an eye on the cake until the centre was a little wobbly but firm was best. 
5. Leave it out to cool, the top may crack but don’t worry as this will be covered. After an hour you can put it in the fridge to continue cooling.

Making the Strawberry Glaze:

1. Chop the 500g of strawberries, place in a pan, bring to the boil with about 6 tablespoons of water and the sugar.
2. In a small bowl mix 2 tablespoons of arrowroot with some water to create a runny paste.
3. Once the mixture has boiled in the pot, add the arrowroot water a teaspoon at a time until it begins to thicken then remove from the heat and leave to cool for several minutes.
4. Once cooled slightly pour/spread the strawberry glaze over the cheesecake and return to the fridge to chill for several hours.

I have never made cheesecake in my life. The making of was relatively easy but then the lengthy cooking and cooling process is something I wish I’d planned better and well in advance… because as I write this it’s later than I would like and I’m praying I can post this before the clock ticks onto midnight and ruin my Wednesday posting spree. It might be a little rough around the edges, but it’s still a cheesecake! And it’s one hell of a tasty one. Despite the upset tummy and ills I may incur I had to steal a little piece to taste. I will make this again most likely, only with 3 days before it’s actually needed so I wont have to cry into a pot of boiling strawberries (the tears make it taste sweeter). You see Geoff, you SEE the lengths I go to for you?! It was great to have a challenge for once though, not everything should run so smoothly all the time and the result did taste pretty excellent - it’s just one of those things you need to make a few times to perfect. The base ended up a bit softer than I would have liked, so I’ve edited the recipe accordingly - other than this it tasted perfect! I can’t seem to think of a Castlevania qu-whip without it sounding too cheesy… oh, oops. (Also sorry for the late posting - I’ve had the flu this week)

Like this? You might also enjoy the Sims - Key Lime Pie.

Team Fortress 2 - Sandvich Edible Device

Many of you asked for it and I’m not one to ignore the masses so here you go - the Team Fortress 2 Sandvich in all it’s glory! Thankfully this actually already comes with a very helpful visual recipe - oh Valve, you’re so good for food in games.

This recipes serves 1.

Ingredients:

2 Slices White Bread

Mayonnaise

1 Leaf Lettuce

2 Large Tomato Slices

3 Slices Swiss Cheese

1 Slice Ham

To Garnish:

Green Pimento Olive

Skewer

Making the Sandvich Edible Device:

1. Spread a little bit of mayonnaise on both pieces of bread.
2. On one piece stack the ham, cheese, 2 slices of tomato and the lettuce leaf, then top with the second piece of bread.
3. Cut diagonally and skewer with a pimento olive to serve.

Simple but effective. I’d find it hard to believe that a sandwich could restore all of a Heavy’s health… but this is a SandVich. It’s capable of being transformed into metal (apparently) so it must be pretty damn good - I’ll have to see for myself some time.

Like this? You might also enjoy the Grand Theft Auto IV - The Bleeder.

Deus Ex - Chunko-honey Candy Bar

There was supposed to be a different post this week but it was swiftly changed after much complaining from a certain someone who was demanding a snack to eat while they played through the new Deus Ex that’s out on Friday (screw you, USA). So I obviously obliged when I discovered the Chunko-honey Candy Bar and managed to stop laughing at THIS video. I’ve sadly never played Deus Ex (shocking, I know) but I’m very much looking forward to getting in from work and not moving for the entire weekend. Although my lack of movement will probably have something to do with ingesting enough of these to feed a small country… then I could always use my Chunko-honeys to bribe small children to carry me around.

This recipe serves 8-10.

What you will need:

A deep square pan, baking/greaseproof paper.

Ingredients:

200g Chocolate (At least 70% Cocoa)

100g Unsalted Butter

1 Tablespoon Golden Syrup

3 Teaspoons Honey

100g Salted Peanuts

150g Cinder Toffee (Or Cadbury’s Crunchie)

Making the Chunko-honey:

1. Prepare the square dish by lining it with baking paper.
2. Smash the nuts and the cinder toffee into decent size chunks (not too big, not to small but just right) and put in a bowl.
3. On a low heat, melt the butter, golden syrup and honey in a pan. Once combined, remove from the heat and set aside.
4. Break the chocolate up into small chunks and melt it over a bain-marie.
5. Add the butter and syrup mixture to the chocolate and stir to combine, pour it over the nuts and cinder toffee and mix well.
6. Pour the chocolate mix into the prepared tin, then place in the fridge to cool and set for a few hours.
7. Once cooled, cut them into rectangular bars.

(Edit: I just realised upon further inspection of the Chunko-honey wrapper that it should indeed, and luckily does, include chunky chocolate and a honeycomb centre!)

OH SWEET JESUS.

Like this? You might also enjoy the EarthBound - Peanut Cheese Bars.

The Sims - Mac and Cheese

I’d been wanting to do something from The Sims for a really long time. I’ve been a life long fan and have probably spent too much time with the virtual versions of my family than the real thing (I like them more, I can make them do whatever I want…). I love that there’s so much scope and as the series has gone on the amount of food you can cook just keeps increasing as does the relationship between food and the Sims in-game; you can have a vegetarian or someone who will only eat burnt hamburgers over a sink. So it was hard to pick an iconic food until someone mentioned that mac and cheese was, for them, the thing they remembered most about The Sims. It’s the one main meal you can cook from the very beginning and for most Sims will probably be their staple food until the Grim Reaper comes for them. It’s a well known fact that I’m completely addicted to mac and cheese, I probably eat it at least once a week (sometimes three) and I blame this addiction on the fact that I couldn’t eat cheese for years until finally some smart people figured out how to remove the lactose from the cheese (thank you, food scientists, I owe you my happiness). This is a family recipe that I’ve improved on over the years and it’s always perfect when you just want to gorge on something and get that ‘warm-fuzzies’ feeling.

This recipe serves 2-4.

What you will need:

A non-stick pot, a large pot and a deep tray or casserole dish, baking paper or tinfoil.

Ingredients: 

250g Macaroni

40g Butter

2 Tablespoons Flour

350ml - 500ml Milk

120g Cheese(s) - I use a mild cheddar

½ Teaspoon English Mustard

Salt & Pepper

Breadcrumbs

Making the Mac and Cheese:

1. Prep your tray or casserole dish by lining it with baking paper or tin foil - this will save you tears when it comes to washing up. 
2. Boil some water in a large pot and cook the macaroni for about 6-8 minutes. 
3. Once cooked, remove from the water, strain, pour into the prepared tray/dish and set aside.
4. Preheat the oven to 200C.
5. Melt the butter in a non-stick pot on a high heat. Once melted add the flour a spoonful at a time and mix until the mixture comes together and it no longer sticks to the sides - the pot should look clean.
6. Slowly add the milk, about 25ml at a time, and stir continually so as not to burn the sauce. You might not need all the milk or you may need more - once it is runny but still a little thick it’s perfect.
7. Reduce the heat to medium and add the cheese (chop it into small pieces of grate it in and feel free to use as many cheeses as you like). Mix well until the cheese has melted.
8. Add the mustard, season well with the salt and pepper and stir once again.
9. Pour the mixture over the macaroni and mix until all the pasta is coated. Sprinkle on the breadcrumbs and put in the oven for around 20-25 minutes or until it is golden and crispy on top.

I like to demolish this dish with some home-made garlic bread so I recommend you do the same, seriously the only thing I can write is: NOMNOMNOM. Screw ambrosia, I’m sure it’s actually mac and cheese that’s the food of the Gods so getting your cooking skill to level 10 is such a waste of time. Spend it doing more constructive things like rooting in your neighbours trash can or playing a game (within a game - so meta).

Like this? You might also enjoy the Sims - Goopy Carbonara.

Request: Golden Axe - The Meat

The requester asked for the “Golden Axe chicken leg”, I read this and thought oh yeah the “chicken leg”. I then fired up the game (sadly on the Sega Mega Drive Ultimate Collect for Xbox, not on a Mega Drive as I did back in the day) and smacked that little gnome with his green bag and out popped this… this thing. It wasn’t a chicken leg. It wasn’t a leg of lamb. It wasn’t anything like I’d remembered seeing before. What the hell is that roll of meat on a bit of bone? It’s probably come from one of those lizard-bird steeds (edit: It’s apparently a Cockatrice…) you get to majestically ride on for about 5 seconds before some bitch in a bikini beats you off it. So I decided, just like this reptile-bird, to concoct some kind of hybrid dish with a bunch of different meats.

This recipe serves 1.

What you will need:

A frying pan, toothpicks, casserole dish.

Ingredients:

Olive Oil

2 Chicken Drumsticks

1 Thin Slice Topside of Beef

1-2 Sausages

Salt & Pepper

1 Onion

2 Carrots

1 Large Potato

Preparations:

1. Cook your chicken drumsticks however you like. Once cooked remove/eat the meat from them and set aside. 
2. Take the bones and boil them in a pot of water for about 10-15 minutes until any gristle and residue is removed from them. You may still need to scrape and pick bits off to clean them enough - these bones will be used to garnish later.
3. Chop the onion, carrot and potatoes, place them in a casserole dish and pour over some olive oil and season well.

Making ‘The Meat’:

1. Remove the sausage meat from the casing, try to get a good quality sausage with a high pork content. Feel free to add any herbs/seasoning to the sausage meat at this stage.
2. Lay the sausage onto the topside of beef, then roll the topside around it to create the desired shape. Keep it in place with the toothpicks. Trim the edges if they are very uneven so it’s neat.
3. Heat a few tablespoons of olive oil in a frying pan and pre-heat the oven to 200C.
4. Season the meat-roll well and then fry for a few minutes on each side to seal and colour the beef. Remove from the pan and place into the casserole dish on top of the chopped vegetables. Cook in the oven for about 20-25 minutes or until everything is cooked through.
5. Once cooked, poke a chicken bone through either end of the roll and serve with the vegetables and a gravy or sauce of your choice.

Unfortunately I couldn’t eat this Gourmet Gaming nor did I even bother to attempt to make a version for myself… but it seems to be another success in the taste stakes! I was really worried about this, I don’t cook meaty things very often nor did I know how to mix any flavours here so I kept it simple. This way it’s as if it has actually just come from an animal. So go forth and quest! And next time you’re resting at your camp fire why not just cook up your Cockatrice as he’s far more delicious than he is useful in battle.

Like this? You might also enjoy the Castlevania - Wall Turkey.

L.A. Noire - Parnell’s Leek & Potato Soup

“Reefer Madness” was released a few weeks ago as a DLC case for the epic and wonderful L.A Noire (which I was lucky enough to be a focus tester for). “Reefer Madness” along with “The Consul’s Car”, sadly a PS3 exclusive, are two of my favourite cases in the whole game - I personally found the DLC for LAN had some of the best cases that had the best personality - they really channelled the advanced story-telling of the game. But enough about that - drugs in soup cans you say?! I was a little confused over which soup to make; The drug dealing house is filled with boxes of tomato, but the deal in the paper they have is about minestrone, then out back the ‘reefer’ is hidden in a can of tomato and a can of leek and potato (both of which you have to open if you want an achievement) and then Parnell’s factory is just rammed with all sorts of vegetables! But when a little bit of fabulous merchandise came my way my mind was made up on which recipe to go for and I suppose in the end it does fit better with the gameplay anyway.

This recipe serves 2-4.

What you will need:

Large pot and a hand blender.

Ingredients:

1 Large White Onion

2 Medium Leeks

2 Medium Potatoes

500ml Chicken or Vegetable Stock

2 Tablespoons Butter

Salt and Pepper

Olive Oil

To Garnish:

Cream

Fresh Parsley (Chopped)

Making The Soup:

1. Finely chop the onion, slice the leeks and potatoes.
2. Heat a few tablespoons of olive oil in a pot then add the onions, sweat them with the lid on for about 15 minutes - stirring occasionally. 
3. Add the leeks and butter and sweat for a further 10.
4. Next add the potatoes and the chicken/vegetable stock, bring to the boil then reduce to a simmer for about 20 minutes until the potatoes are soft and cooked.
5. Once simmered, using a hand blender, liquidise the soup and season with salt and pepper to taste.
6. Serve with a swirl of cream and sprinkle with fresh parsley.

I couldn’t find an in-game shot of the can! If anyone has one please send it to me!

I’ve eaten a lot of soup - soup from a can, packet soup, cuppa soup, soup from a carton… I was apprehensive about making leek and potato, it’s normally salty and over powering and usually repeats on me for hours after but once again home-made proves a winner! It was quite a light and refreshing soup, even if I did eat my weight in a poppy seed bloomer with it (which was oh my, so delicious - how do people not eat carbs?) I’ve heard you can also eat this type of soup cold with a lot of cream and I can imagine that would be rather good! So no need to check your notebook and debate over the evidence, I’m maintaining eye-contact and not shifting around, so you can confidently choose Truth on this one, boyo.

Like this? You might also enjoy the Metal Gear Solid - Rations.